The questions that will prevent you from your sleep
A survivor's guide to the inquires life might through at us and how I get to manage(ish) my anxiety.
Hello 👋 I’m Candela Niesl and this is #3 of “100 Words Voyage”; a newsletter about writing, life, challenges and how to plan your next piece of art.
Every weekend, I aim to share with you a piece of myself and invite you to write your 100 words. Are you ready to go on this journey? Let’s do it!
My top 3 (not so) unexpected episodes of the week:
I had my first Argentinian 1:1 and it turned out to be great! I’ve been doing this meeting for 30’ with international fellows from On Deck Writer Fellowship, but having the opportunity to apply this with national random people was quite an experience. Hope it can keep on growing!
I didn’t upload the third chapter of my podcast: “The Unexpected”. Since Ursula, a teenage girl from Argentina, was killed by her boyfriend, I didn’t feel like sharing unexpected episodes in life when being killed or abused by a partner has everything to do with “the expected” and the government does nothing about it.
I was asked to plan a budget for my publishing house, Inguz Editorial, for next Wednesday. (I’m still trying to sort it out). Quite a challenge since numbers and I have a complicated relationship.
Why do not share your (not so) unexpected experiences? I’ll be waiting for your response 🦊
Since I have a particular relationship with the V day (not that February 14th is aware of that), I plan to enjoy the sun and this particular book because… tonight at Victoria’s Ocampo summer house, there’s a book presentation named “Correspondencia” which addresses the exchange of letters Victoria Ocampo and Virginia Woolf had from 1934 till 1940.
Two extraordinary women in love with the literary world, writing, and editing. Two women that were proud to be so even in a men’s world. They followed their passions, wrote them, shared their points of views, their lives… all that and they’ve only get to meet in person 3 times.
Victoria and Virginia left a legacy.
And tonight, Manuela Barral, who compilated this edition, will be introducing us to both V&V works and her own, and what motivated her to put this book together.
Happy Valentine’s Day for me!
👋 Cheers from Mar del Plata and Happy Valentine’s Day for all the love believers!
I’d love to talk about Valentine’s Day, chocolates, cakes, presents and letters. But since this day is cheesy enough, I’ll spare it and share with you my challenges and insights of the week.
(Which, by the way, deserves a box of chocolates too! So if you are feeling lovely, generous or have mercy on my soul… you can invite me some treats here 🌎 or here 🇦🇷).
These past few days had invited me to “look inside and figure out what I want”.
We can blame it on the New Moon in Aquarium, the fellowships, some lectures or even my anxiety, (which kicks my stomach and mind till they surrender and let the A word conquer all those concrete and abstract parts of me that were sure they were heading towards the “right way”). We can also add hormones to the guilty list, because when in doubt blame hormones. Why not? After all, they are the natural chemical reaction of all those intense episodes that can go really wrong or really right.
Like I’ve said, I was invited to “look inside… and blah blah blah”, (were you too?). And since I’m not rude or inconsiderate, I accepted the invitation. Hated and cursed me because of it, but also loved the idea. Always up for a new adventure that may crush my soul or empower it.
So here’s how the survivor’s journey begins:
The first question was: “What do you want for you, for your life?”. Tricky question indeed, since the answer can change almost (if not) every day. But in my case, that particular question was easy to answer (since it hasn’t changed for years now).
I want to write and succeed at it while allowing other people to tell their own stories through my publishing house, Inguz Editorial.
It went deeper.
“Why?”
Well, because I feel stories are life saviours, life changers, are the reason we never get to die. It’s through storytelling that we get to transcend, feel, emphasized: “I was here”.
Got trickier.
“But why you? Why you should be the one accomplishes this and not any other person with a similar or the same goal?”
At that point, my inspiration wasn’t at full as it should be, you can easily compare that feeling at to an almost empty gasoline tank in the car when you know you still have kilometres to drive till making it to destination. The alarm was buzzing.
Why not?
(How creative of me).
“How are you going to accomplish your mission, then?”
(I am screwed).
So I couldn’t answer that question as proudly as I would like to. I mean, I write (try to, at least, and you are my witnesses). I founded a publishing house, Inguz, remember? Which publishes stories and help women to keep on telling their own (since we donate 15% of our profits to women’s shelters); we also print our books in recycled paper so we even share how to take care of the environment and how to commit with it from your entrepreneurship…
So how…?
That question didn't invite my sleep to kick in. On the contrary, the “how” purpose was to build a bubble around me and my subconscious and ward off every hopeful, sleepy, beautiful dreams I could have.
I “woke up”, had my mentor’s meeting, and he went through all the previous interrogation as if repeating each question and each answer was going to provide me with the location of the Philosopher’s Stone or the Immortal Calyx.
It didn’t.
I didn’t have the answer to the “how” question, still. But he will not quit on me and will offer some alternative that will have the power to help me get some rest.
“You plan and work for it. That’s how you achieve things”.
So simple and complicated, that answer could be easily compared to hormones.
It’s easy to want something. Wake up and blame your motivation or purpose in life. It’s easier to read books, study, network, learn, and talk, and write down your to-do list. But let me ask you:
Why you instead of that other person that has the same or similar dream as yours?
I insist.
Why not?
Since I’ve introduced this book before, let me spoil something. In one of the letters, Victoria wrote to Virginia she confessed: “My only ambition is to get to write one day, more or less well, more or less badly, but as a woman”.
Both, Virginia Woolf and Victoria Ocampo, like many other women in history (and current days), were able to accomplish Victoria’s ambition.
So let me reformulate that previous question.
Why don’t we all?
The difference is going to be there whether we like it or not (spoiler alert: we are all different, so there you have it), no matter the similarities our goals may have.
How?
Well, I think my mentor nailed it.
How should I (each one of us) start?
By working towards it. And yes, I know it seems pretty obvious, but so let me ask you one last thing:
What have you done today to be closer to achieve your life goal?
Here’s why you should write 100 words today:
Well, let be honest, if writing is your purpose in life, this should really inspire you to write, at least, 100 words.
If you are going through an uncertainty path in life, naming those insecurities will help you approach them. If you can identify them, you can fight them.
Why not? Life is too short to not leave a legacy of, at least, 100 words. You can even start RIGHT NOW!
And if you do not know what to write about, and since I'm really into this book, let me share with you what Virginia asked Victoria to write:
“Tell me what do you do, who do you meet with, how is your country and also your city, how is your room, your house, even the food and the cats and the dogs and the time you spend doing this or that”.
Let me ask you then, what will you write to Virginia if you were in Victoria’s shoes?
Before this voyage comes to its end:
If you liked this #3 “100 Words Voyage” but also enjoy the Spanish language, you can follow me on Instagram and also listen to my podcast, “The Unexpected”.
If you like what I do and would like to support my work, here you can invite me a drink in Argentina 🇦🇷 or buy me a beer if you are in any other part of the 🌎.
You can also share this newsletter if you think it would be of interest to any of your friends, family, partners or just casual people you meet out there.
Thanks for sharing this journey with me! I hope it inspires you to write your own stories and share them with the world. After all, is not that what are we made off?
See you next weekend 👋
Bon voyage!